Going to Vietnam

I will miss my family, teo n teoh, kenjugs and the rest of the guys.

Take care people. =)

Cya in 3 weeks time.

Soul to Squeeze

Time to stop thinking.
Let go and let live tayjiaen :)

Serenaded by the terror bird

Would you still love me?
For all the times I messed up
For the times I got mad at you
For all the scars I have
For all my imperfections
For all the pain and joy?

Would you still love me?
As much as I love you?

So White As Snow

Well tomorrow's the big day, hope things go alright.

Anyway here's a big sorry to anyone who feels hurt or upset if I have (unintentionally) caused you to feel that way over the past few months.

SORRY.

I really am.

Walk, Don't Run

I shall allow myself to hope =).

Godspeed.

Come Back To Bed

My bed beckons... sleep offers momentuous relief and release from all the trouble.

Things have kinda whizzed by during the past week. I left for brunei on friday and here i'm back again.

I had hoped that the trip to Brunei would let things sort out by itself and I would have some time to think. Alone.

Guess I got what I wanted... but then again... how am i supposed to feel?

I'm no longer a third party. But is that something I should rejoice in? She made the choice... she chose... but who am i to gloat? I'll be a bastard if i did so.

Think. Think. I guess I'm not ready for something serious yet. She has been the centre-stage of my life for sometime now and like what nic said, I'll only be ready for her when i can manage her along with my studies and family.

Currently, the commitment problem is a headache. It was worse before when I knew she still had another. But things are different now, but I'm not gonna push it... not yet... Promos coming up... need to focus... FOCUS.

Who am i kidding?

She's still all that matters to me.

Gravity

I seem to blog only when I'm depressed, and depression is certainly what has been affecting me these days.
There were those moments of bliss when I was just so happy to be able to explore something new and lovely but what do you feel when reality sets in?
The reality of she having another?

I'm wrecked with guilt. It's irrepressable. I can't stand it anymore.

They say you should be true to your feelings. But I can't. Just can't. I'll end up getting hurt a lot more. And She's gonna feel worse.

Listening to "Gravity" by John Mayer seems to fit the mood now. It's all blues with me now and it's that sort of song where anything could just happen and it doesn't seem to have a conclusion. It parallels my life now cos I'm sorta in an emotional dilemna where all the odds are against me.

Gravity.
Is working against me.
Gravity.
Wants to bring me down.
Oh twice as much.
Ain't twice as good.
I can't sustain.
Like a one half could.
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees.

I wish I could stop everything now and yell at the face of the world: WHY? why must this happen to me? I'm probably another sucker who just doesn't get things to work out. A sucker who's just turning out to be an annoying third party.

It's times like these that I wish I could just give up.
A permenant release from all the pain.
I wouldn't lose much anyway.

Nothing Else Matters

Things have changed.

And I don't know anymore.